b&b 143 You and your honey’s money personalities
Money is the #1 reason for divorce, and often, it is the main thing couples fight about.
Remember money personalities? (Here’s the link in case you need a refresher: brunchandbudget.com/personality) Whether you’re a Worrier, Amasser, Avoider, or a Money Monk this episode focuses on you and your significant other’s money personalities and how to smooth over any creases that may arise in your relationship.
If you’re interested in learning more about your money personality, here are our previous two episodes about spending habits:
Dyalekt: The more strictly zoned, or the more aggressively zoned, a city is, the more likely it is to be segregated.
Dyalekt: With zoning it’s, again, one of those things that sounds like it benefits us all, but it not only benefits only a few but it specifically penalizes those who are the worst off. That’s poor tax.
Pam: I hear this from clients all the time. I have a lot of couples who say, “It’s the only thing we fight about. Money is the only thing we fight about.” It’s the #1 cause for divorce, is not understanding how each of you thinks and deals with money.
Pam: For the worrier, one thing that you have to keep in mind, that I have to keep in mind, is that you’re not going to change the person’s money personality.
Pam: (Avoider and Money Monk) There’s a couple things you need to figure out in terms of, okay, what is one of you gonna take care of and what is the other one gonna take care of, ‘cause neither of you enjoy this, and that’s something you both need to acknowledge as well, is neither of you enjoy this. Neither of you really want to do it as well. So, split up the work a little bit and figure out what makes the most sense for both of you.
Dyalekt: (Worrier and Money Monk) And the word for this relationship is caring, because the thing that you guys have in common is that you both care a lot about your finances and the state of the finances around you. And, when you have a conversation, it’s important to put it in those terms, and to define the things that you guys care about that are important to you.
Pam: I think understanding that you have this tendency, both as Money Monks to not put yourselves first and potentially not put each other first means you have to make a very concerted effort to do that, and I feel like this goes with all the money personalities is: when you understand what your tendencies are with each other, then that’s a starting point for you to be able to have a conversation and be able to address things in a concrete way.
Pam: For two Avoiders and two Amassers, definitely, definitely, you both need to automate and make sure that all of the stuff that you really don’t wanna think about ‘cause you really don’t wanna think about it, is just being handled.
Pam: Understanding that not wanting to talk about money, or feeling a certain way about money, or feeling angry about money, or having fights about money all comes from an emotional place, and it all comes from feeling inadequate, or embarrassed, or ashamed about your own personal dealings with money, and so the best way for you to start is to come in and share your own financial mistakes first.